First, though, I’d like to clarify that this article is not about Iron Man’s armor (although he has had some bad ones). If it was, this would be another edition of Fashion Disasters and it would be written by Jessica Plummer. But it isn’t, and I’m definitely not Jessica Plummer, sad to say. No, I’m talking about the fact that Tony Stark, despite being one of the richest people in the Marvel universe (well, usually), cannot dress himself to save his life. He cannot even build a robot with fashion sense to tell him when he’s embarrassing himself. While I hate to see all that money wasted on terrible clothing, I do like to make fun of him for it, so let’s go. Also, while I haven’t mentioned his hair yet, I assure you I have noticed it. It’s so fluffy! Okay, we’re getting off-topic. I think I have amply proved my point by now: Tony Stark has no fashion sense whatsoever. If I wanted to get all deep about it, I’d probably say it’s due to his awful childhood, and his funky clothes are him being playful in a way he wasn’t allowed to be as an actual kid. Or maybe he just likes annoying people with his ugly clothes. It’s probably both, to be honest. (He would later upgrade/downgrade to tighty-whiteys.) Note the contrast between Steve Rogers’s extremely normal motorcycle-riding clothes and…that. Also please note the beginnings of a highly unfortunate mullet. The ’90s are dawning and it ain’t gonna be pretty. Tony. Buddy. Are you cosplaying as Angel from Rent? What is that robe? Actually, this may just be comicdom’s standard Doofy Billionaire Robe, as Bruce Wayne wears a suspiciously similar model in White Knight. For more retro Iron Man adventures, check out my Iron Man: Armored Adventures retrospective or that time Tony went to comic-con!
